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Faith [userpic]

not__like__you how fickle fate can be

September 7th, 2005 (06:06 pm)

So being bitten by a vamp? Gotta say I never expected to like it so much, not that I really had too much time to dwell on the best fucking orgasm in my entire life because I was busy dying. Not really so bad now that I think about it. Always did have a death wish anyways and it's not like i'm really regretting the whole thing now. Did seem to miss out on the intended party in soul boy's head though, now that trip I woulda loved to take.

Also, waking up in Angel's bed feeling better than I ever have before? Now that was the kind of plus I was fine with having. Didn't have all those pesky little worries I'd been dealing with the past couple of years. Honestly I didn't even realize I was all suped up with vamp mojo till I took a look in the mirror, looked like Angelus made me his pet after all, or didn't look like really since I wasn't there staring back at me.

It was too fucking cool, I could feel the power in my body, signing in my blood. Did I really just think something I heard from Angelus? Ha, Guessed I had. Fuck Me!

I booked it out of the hotel the second I realized that Willow and Buffy were on their way to soul up MY SIRE. Could have tried to stop them, but I figured it wasn't the best idea with so many armed people and more than one with superpowers. Besides they'd been too fucked up dealing with Angel and his poor little guilt about killing me that they may not even realize I'm gone till I'm way out of town.

Course once I got fed on a cute little cheerleader walking home way too late at night I realized what fun I could have. Plus the fact that me? Pretty much a super vamp with slayer blood still inside pumping me up for more action than any of them are ready for. What do I have to loose? Don't exactly want to be dust but the chance to pay B back? And soul boy? Do you think anyone in my position would turn that down?

I didn't think so, I found myself a nice ass crib filled with tastey little boys, I turned the hot one but just to keep me company while I'm fucking with all the people who tried to pretend they care and those that don't. They think they can kill me? Ha, I'd like to see them try.

I made my way to the hotel and just watched as B, Wes and Gunn went out, probably looking for my fine ass, noticed Angel wasn't with them and I could practically smell the tension coming off B in waves. Didn't smell the witch so maybe I'm safe as far as a fucking re-ensoulment. What? I'm not going to be the next case on Angel's guilt trip, I had enough of that with all the bertha's in jail and his oh so woe is me visits. Fuck him and his redemption.

Plus, I want to play. Maybe I can even get my sire back, playing with Angelus? Now that's an eternity I can look forward to.

Angel left the building like an hour later and fuck if I couldn't feel him like he was standing next to me. Maybe there was something to this sire thing. So I followed him and I was well aware he knew I was following him, like I said something to this sire thing. I fell instep behind him and he stopped walking immediately.

"Hey Angel."

Faith [userpic]

yourfakefrowns one piece of the puzzel

September 6th, 2005 (01:12 am)

You know I always had a thing for soul boy, I'm pretty sure that was pretty clear to everyone when I tried to make him my evil play toy. And you know when he all but kicked B's ass to help me? He was like my savior, he was there for me, ready to do anything and everything that he could do to help me. Me? I never got it. Guess I never got it back when B gave a shit about me either, maybe there was something to that? I had a lot of time to dwell on it.

See the thing with B was I wanted her. I'd always wanted her, she was gorgeous and that body? More than that I loved her, and I never loved anyone before that, maybe Kat, but Kakistos got to her before I really had a chance to say anything; it was different too, nothing like what I felt for B. Maybe she was like a mom to me, fuck anyone would have been better than my mom; that's not the point.

B was perfect; at least that's how I saw her, she was on this pedastal and all I wanted to do was be her, be with her and hell I wanted her to want me. More than that I wanted her to admit she wanted me and she did, it scared her wicked bad and all she could do was run to Angel, remind herself she liked driving stick. Not that I blame her, cause Angel? But that's something else all together. Back then I hated Angel, hated what he meant to her and knowing he had her, he was a fucking vampire and she admited to loving him. But me?

And I'm not gonna lie and say that whole evil thing didn't make me feel like I was God, it was like I could do anything to anyone and no one could touch me. Of course now? I don't want to feel like God. I just want to be me and do my thing. Maybe that sounds like I don't regret it, or I'm not serious about this redemption thing but I am. I don't want to be that girl and those people? They haunt me, just like Angel said they would.

Now here's where it gets interesting. I had a thing for Angel sure, if you saw the guy you'd realize why, and he helped me. Maybe even cynical little me had a savior complex. At least I can admit it, whatever. But when Wes came to me, Princess Margret telling me Angel's evil alter ego is loose I'm out of jail so quick I didn't even care if I killed anybody. In the times Angel had visited me we had long talks, and we used to write each other these letters. He told me stuff I never wanted to know, maybe he was trying to keep me in line with horror storys or maybe he just fucking trusted me but I knew that Angelus coming back not only would suck some kinda ass, but it would hurt Angel.

So I'm out of there, chasing down the big bad vampire, who I'll admit probably would have kicked my ass even if the beast hadn't stepped in, but we're not telling the kid or anyone else that.

Then Wes has this crazy ass idea to save Angel and give the both of us some kind of head trip. Which you know I'm not even caring, it's about saving Angel and that's all i'm even thinking about and I swear I was ready to kill the kid, and Queen C? What the hell? If I'd had more time to think about it I might have just added a few bodies to my list, but whatever.

Next thing I know I'm getting bit, and fuck if it's not the most erotic thing I've ever felt in my entire life and I'm not kidding when I say I've been around the block a few times, sure not as many times as Angel but who knew you could get off like that. No wonder they say Vampire bites are addictive. The trip down memory lane in Angel's head wasn't what I'd call uninteresting or uniformative. I feel like I know the guy in ways I've never even wanted to know myself, I saw everything, the turning the souling, that heart breaking scene where he saw B for the first time, and pleanty of other scene's involving my sister slayer that I'm sure he'd rather me not have seen but hey, what can ya do?

Best part was seeing Angelus watch Angel save a puppy, the look on that kid's face was priceless. That whole alter ego thing, he's a little whiney, I used to think I'd like him better than Angel, but I know different now.

It's what happened after everything else that totally throws off what I know about the universe and myself. Somewhere along the line I think I fell for the brooding vampire. Thing is I don't know if it was before or after this whole thing went down. Red did her fun little re-souling, even superglued him in so that creep crying about donut boys? He's not coming back, and I can't say I'm sorry about that.

So Angel and me have the talk, you know the one where he tells you he owes you everything, and blah blah. Don't know how it ended up with him kissing me, or maybe I kissed him, it's not exactly a crucial point on my radar. All I know is there is a reason I've lusted after him for a while now and he happened to remind me of that.

Red wanted me to go back to the dale with her, and I just wasn't really ready to leave. Things are off in L.A. and fuck alright I'm selfish and I wanted to see what could happen with Angel. He didn't just shove me off, he told me goodnight and left like a fucking gentleman and the next day while we were sparing in the basement we ended up making out on the floor, so something tells me that it's all going to be ok.

Cause me? I got one piece of the puzzel.

Faith [userpic]

stages_of_grief - somethings gotta give

September 2nd, 2005 (03:00 pm)

You'd think the penn was somekind of fucking social ground, maybe everyone else around here liked to exchange their bitches for smokes but not me. I didn't have a bitch and I didn't fucking want one. I wanted out, I needed to be doing something, something other than fucking sitting around a cell block half the day watching whatever fucking soap opera their playing and playing cards with Bertha or Joy.

I felt like I was crawling out of my goddamn skin and it was going to kill me. That or I was going to take the next bitches head off to said something to me. I'd been trying to work it all off in the gym, but it only seemed to fuel my fire up just a little bit more and fuck if that helped. I tried imagining I was fighting some nasty ass vamp, imagine I was doing that whole fucking sacred duty thing but a punching bag doesn't fight back.

I about decked the gaurd when she came up behind me while I was working on some of my moves in the court yard, she pulled out one of those fucking baton things and gave me a look. Fucking gaurds will do anything to have one of us fight back, then they can beat the shit out of us without worrying about the fucking consequences and hell if they all didn't want a piece of me. I'm a popular kind of girl.

Still she eyed me and told me I had a visitor. It didn't seem right that Wes would be coming to see me and it had been so long since I sent Angel that letter I was betting he didn't even get it, which was just as well, me and sappy heartfelt letters don't really go hand in hand. I was wicked confused but let her cuff me up anyway. I was even more surprised when I was uncuffed and thrown into one of those congical visit rooms. Cause who the hell is wanting a congical visit with me? Not that I'm minding, but hey whatever; it got the cuffs off me and if someone wanted a piece of my ass maybe I'd consider giving it too them.

Course when Angel walked in I about shit my pants. Obviously not so much a congical visit unless I'm looking at the infamous Angelus and I'm betting I woulda gotten word from Wes or someone if that happened, unless the shit head killed them all.

I eyed him warily waiting for him to say something, I'm betting he pulled those damn strings like the devil to get it where I wasn't cuffed and we didn't have a big mountain of plastic glass between us. Which hey grateful and all but what the fuck is he doing here?

"So you gonna say something or you going to stare at me all day? I hear they only let these rooms out for a couple of hours at a time and I'm betting you didn't come here for a roll in the sack."

Faith [userpic]

redemption and it's price ... stages_of_grief

August 2nd, 2005 (04:27 pm)

It's not the kinda thing a girl like me does, I don't really write out my feelings, I'm not up for share and grow time, but I owe him and I owe her. Fuck, B's dead, how does shit like that happen? I know how it happens, you get careless, you jump off a fucking tower to save the world, but me? I wouldn't have done it, maybe that's why I'm in here and B's in the ground.


So I know your not at the Hyperion, Wes said you were out of the country somewhere which is wicked cool I guess, if you like that kind of thing. Jail's, well do you want me to lie? Jail sucks, the bitches here think they want a piece of me, you know they don't, but don't worry A I'm keeping myself in check, only using enough force to keep me alive in the joint.

Enough with the fucking small talk, it never worked for me before and it doesn't now either, specially when I'm talking to myself, or this damn piece of paper. I'm not subtle, you know that probably better than anyone.

I felt her die. It felt like something ripped me in half, I just knew, I know B and I were never close in fact to say we hated each other was a fucking understatement, but she was my sister slayer and I felt the life drain out of her. I was laying there in my bunk and then I was screaming and they drugged me the fuck up to keep me quiet, locked me in containment or some shit for three days.

Wes came to see me after you left town, said Buffy was dead, she sacrificed herself to save the world and that bratty kid sister of hers. She jumped off a fucking tower like the damn saintly martyr she was born to be. What the fuck was her problem? Didn't she know people needed her? Didn't she fucking know that I was going to be all the damn world had left and I can't take that shit! She should have known, she should know that everyone would feel like less of a person without Buffy fucking Summers in the world, but she didn't did she? She just never knew how much she meant.

I didn't hate her, not really, but I'm betting you knew that. You probably know how it is to love and hate that girl don't you? Guess I'm no different than the rest of the world.

She wrote me, did I ever tell you that? I about pissed my pants when the first one got delivered to my cell. It was at the beginning of her school year, like August? Dracula had visited her, he'd heard about her, can you believe that shit? She was all proud that Dracula of all people had heard of her, she just didn't know ya know? She said she was still pissed off at me, still with soilder boy but that was the last time she mentioned the boy. I'm guessing she didn't like to think about the inicindent with me and her toy.

Did she ever tell you about that? I stole her body, the boss - the mayor gave me this thing, used it and there I was in B's body, I'm betting your jealous aren't you? Don't even try to play like you don't still love her. We both know she was it for you, but I took her body and slept with her boy. He looked in her eyes and the fucker couldn't even see that it was me looking back at him. He cared about her though ya know? I don't know if that makes you feel any better, but he cared.

The letters kept coming and I never had the balls to write her back, to apologize for all the bad shit I did to her. To tell her that I loved her ask much as I fucking hated her. She had everything ya know? She had the family, the friends, you, she was this master slayer and what the fuck was I? I let it get to me instead of really looking at the shit she had to deal with, maybe I didn't get it until I started to get her letters, but she was alone Angel. She was surrounded by people everyday, good people, people who loved her but still she was so alone.

And You are a fucking idiot for ever leaving her, but you know that already don't you?

The last two letters I got from her she was flipping out, that goddess bitch Glory wanted Dawn and she didn't know what the fuck she was going to do. Said she didn't even know if she'd make it through this. She was scared, never thought I'd see the day when that girl was scared. Really scared, I shoved it off because she's on this pedastal you know? She's like the slayer they'll write books about and I thought she could handle it. I didn't want one of those fucking 'if your reading this' letters but I got one.

Maybe she had some sort of misplaced trust in me, but I got one of those damn things. She said it was the only one she wrote. I guess she didn't want to hurt you, but fuck if I'm not going to tell you what she said. Only that's something that's gonna be in person if you ever get your ass back to the country and come visit me. It doesn't seem right to throw out her thoughts where some prick ass gaurd is going to read it before stamping on one of those fucking 'originated from LA County Correctional facility' on it.

She's better than that. I'm better than that and I'm better than this. Is this my redemption? Is sitting here on my ass with everything handed to me, living just like I did in Boston having to watch my back and not making one fucking bit of difference, is this what my redemption is?

I never got to tell her, I was too fucking scared to tell her I was sorry, afraid she laugh at me. Maybe that's why I'm telling you this shit, cause your the closest I'm going to get to her. And don't even start on about Red or the brat, cause fucking hell Angel you are the closest thing to B and you know it and that's why you left the fucking country. It's like if I tell you, somehow she'll know, maybe that's fucked up and stupid but it's all I got and I'm kinda lost.

I think I'm more lost now than when I first came after you. The line runs through me now, is the fucking council going to keep sending assasins after me forever? Just to get their new slayer? Is that my destiny now? To fucking rot till they manage to get rid of me? I'm not doing anything, I'm not fighting the good fight, I'm talking to a fucking shrink for hours and waving off advances to get my very own bitch in here. I can't stand it, it's like I'm crawling out of my fucking skin and it's wicked hard to even see where the line is.

Would she really want this? She said she wrote to me cause I was the only one who understood, after they did some mojo and envoked the first slayer she needed someone to know, to see what she saw and maybe I am. Maybe I'm the only one who ever got that part of her, cause even you, you never saw the dark, it's there you know.

Can't say I'm liking this whole bare my soul on paper to the only vampire whose got a soul himself, but you saved me ya know? I owe you, weither you think I do or not I do.

I'm tired of this share and grow shit, but I had to write you.


Faith [userpic]


September 21st, 2004 (10:09 pm)

Consider me sitting pretty in L.A.

Cheap motel, gotta be better than the motor inn. So maybe it isn't but anything's better than the dale. Gotta say I'm wicked happy I didn't stick around to have a confrontation with saint buffy. Can't say her lectures are something I miss. But it doesn't matter, I'll deal with B later.

Right now, I'm gonna find Wes and show him what would have happened to me if those council boys had gotten their grubby little british hands on me. But he didn't think about that shit now did he. Pity for Wes, if he thought me working for Wilkins was evil, he's got a lot of things coming to him.

Almost makes me wish Kakistos was still around. Maybe watching Wes getting tortured to death wouldn't have fucked me up like watching Kat die. I woulda cheered the ugly vamp on if Wes had been my first watcher. But I guess I'm just not that lucky. Been watching PBS, don't know why, every other fucking channel in this shit hole has lines across it. So I've been learning some shit I don't even care about.

Besides that I've been keeping my ear to the ground. Wes is definately in town, that much I know. There are enough demons in this town to keep him busy, just gotta make sure none of them kill him, cause that would be no fun for me. I want to hear the little man scream like a woman.

Hear Angel's started a detective agency. Not surprised Angel's a dick, not at all. Though, Queen C working for him, now that was something I wasn't expecting. Who knew the chick could read huh? Never seemed like the working girl type, unless you think street walker. Not that I'd complain looking at her in wicked slutty clothes, the girls got a rack.

But, Queen C isn't my concern, might pay her and soul boy a visit when I'm done with princess margaret but he's the priority. I'm going to watch him, close before he gets to Angel, don't want soul boy trying to find my ass. My luck B's already told him I'm awake. I can handle him, it's just an annoyance I don't want to have to worry about.

Poor Wes, your going to be so sorry you fucked with this slayer.

Faith [userpic]


September 7th, 2004 (08:53 pm)

8 months in a coma doesn't bode well for my complexion. Not that I've ever been too worried about my tan, slaying usually happens at night, and I've always been more of a night gal in general, but I'm not liking looking dead.

Plus, no welcome party? Color me disappointed. Almost expected the council to be standing above me when I woke up  ready to drag my ass to the mother country. Almost expected Wes himself to be there with the cuffs. Little Miss Magaret had some kink in him, look at his thing for Queen C.

Course months later who knew. Kinda got the picture that B killed the boss, wasn't too happy about it and paid her a little visit. I can't even tell you how surprised I was to see her not with Soul boy but with some nice big packaged meat. Or getting close enough to him. Soul boy was no where in sight.

Went down to Willies to get the 411 on the goings on since I got a knife in my gut. Seems I was right about B killin the boss. No wonder this town was still so lame. Sure I didn't know exactly how fun it would be working for some big snake but definately better than having to wake up and steal some random chicks clothes.

Lucky for me I knew where to find my shit. Willie told me about Soul Boy's new found intelligence on leaving B behind to have her good life. He was stupid, but that wasn't exactly news. Asked about Wes, seems the man got fired from the council. Poor old Wesley, his slayer turned pyscho and went evil, B quit, they canned him.

Almost gave me warm fuzzies but Willie let me in on his rouge demon hunting ways. Wes, hunting demons? Now that was something I wanted to see. Threatened Willie with giving B the heads up on what he had under his little bar, and he told me that the word was Wes was tracking some demon that was headed to LA.

Gave Willie a love punch or two, stole a few regular bottles of vodka he had stashed under the bar, and made my way back to my temporary pad. Got a visitor, killed him, watched a little tape the boss left me. Made me miss the man, which wasn't surprising seeing as how he was the only fucking one of them that ever gave a damn about me.

Gave me a present. Some little thing he had counjured up, don't know what the thing did. He said something about getting even with B, but as much as I wanted to rip the slayer barbie to pieces I had bigger beef. I needed to get my torture skills out of the closet and brush off the rust before I come back for B.

I think Wes is the perfect little Englishman for the job. Besides, I'm guessing he screams like a girl. And I'm just the girl to find out.

Look out LA. Here I come.

Maybe I'll find soul boy while I'm there. Give him a taste of what he gave up when he played me. He can't have much these days, giving up B and all. Mr. Help the Helpless.

Should be interesting.

Faith [userpic]


August 9th, 2004 (10:48 am)

First thing a girl like me does when she gets to a party town like LA?

This is an easy one folks, flirt with bouncers and club it up. Then flirt with the bartender and get smashed. Always knew the right way to work guys. Wouldn't call many of them men, still little boys who just want to be put on a leash. Kinda like soul boy was with B. Screw that, not the way this slayer works.

Love em and leave em - that's my philosophy, pretty easy to stick to even, not like I always chose the quality guys to get down and dirty with. But really, good boys were all about caring and sharing, give me a harley wanna be and a whip anyday. I don't want some guy mooning over me, thinking we have some kind of connection just cause we knocked some boots.

Reminds me of Xander, if I were anyone else I might have found his little thing adorable. But adorable isn't really my thing. I like the darkness, the bad boy, the one whose gonna make me scream, pleasure and pain, always a fine line.

Danced it up for hours, this was how I liked it best, cept for slaying, this was how I got my kicks, play with boys, use them as toys. I found a piece, nice and young, thought he was all badass. I was about to pull him to the alley for some fun, We were out there I slammed him against the wall, ready to go at it right there when I heard a scream.

I stopped short and the guy looked at me. "Maybe next time hot stuff." He glared at me and pulled at my arm. "Oh no you aint going no where bitch."

I smiled and cocked my head to the side and looked at him. "Think you could take me?" I asked with a smirk. He laughed, I heard the scream again. "I don't have time for you." and I hit him square in the face, his nose breaking under the force of my punch.

"Bye now."

I took off in the direction of the scream. Did the vamp staking thing, got the girl thanking me with these teary eyes, it was like I'd cured cancer or something.

"Yeah whatever." I threw the stake down and ran off, wasn't looking for anymore trouble, I'd stay in a cheap motel and get my rocks off tommorrow. Have some fun with Soul Boy and then head down to Mexico or something. Long as I kept the cops off my tail.

Faith [userpic]


July 12th, 2004 (02:13 pm)

Waking up in a hospital, not exactly my idea of a good time. Waking up wicked hungry with a gaurd at the door, sends off little alarms in my head. So I punch out the nurse and sneak my way out of the coma ward. Gotta say, Sunny D's police are not the brightest in the barrel.

Knocked out some chick and took her clothes, made my way to my place, dust covered and all my shit'd been scavenged. Least there was some leather left, everyone knows I'd be wicked uncomfortable without my leathers. Figured Boss's plan was a bust since the D's still around, and my welcoming committee was late. Wondered where the man was, only one person coulda stopped him so I'd guessed finding B was what would get me my answers.

Didn't count on the man leaving me a vid, cute little note with his sympathies and a gift. Didn't know what the sucker did but I figured I'd hold on to it. Had a bad urge to go pummel B's face, so I tracked her down, we threw down she kept up her holier than thou shit and I find out Angel's gone.

She gutted me so her boy toy could live and he's not even around anymore? Man that's fucked up, I don't know whose stupider, him or her. But as much as I wanted B in her own grave, I wasn't looking to stick around and end up in mine, gotta say she surprised me with that almost killing me thing, but hey, go B. Whatever, I wasn't going to play second fiddle to her anymore, even if I was on the "wrong side" or whatever she wanted to call it.

Not sure how to get the cops off my tail yet, maybe lay a little low, head out and see Soul Boy, cause I'm betting playing with him will be a lot more enjoyable than watching B screw up her own life, she doesn't need me to do it for her anymore. I am wicked horny though, might have to find me a piece.

LA, yeah I like the sound of that. Soul Boy and I have some unfinished business.

Faith [userpic]

(no subject)

January 27th, 2004 (07:17 pm)

God. Giles, Im so ... I almost hit him. I almost hit Giles.

I told him I wasn't waiting anymore. I was going in to get Cordy before they killed her or worse. And he yelled at me that I wasn't ready. I got in his face and punched a huge goddamn hole in the wall.

He didn't flinch.

"I'm going." I said finally. I started to suit up, best leathers, harness I fashioned for my stake, the crossbow, the battleaxe. I was going to cut Xander's dick off then his head. And Hope. Only god knew the pain she would feel from my hands. Anyone else in that house was going to pay for this. Giles had made me wait, My Cor could be dead and I just let him hold me back.

God. I think I was more angry at myself than anyone else. I wanted to hurt someone, It should have been me. God I should have fucking been me. I knew she had idea's about going in, and I just fell asleep and let her trick me.

I'd rain down so much pain on that house if something had happened to her ... And I knew what they'd probably been doing to her, I had nightmares about it and I still didn't go. She was going to hate me, I ...

I was out of the house beating myself up about everything

I looked up and there she was. I dropped everything in my hands and ran to her and Wes, who'd been. Where the hell had he been anyway? I couldn't think about that now.

I felt the tears as I saw her, badly bruised and beaten. "Oh god Cor." I fell to my knees in front of her and wrapped my arms around her waist. I felt her wince. "Cor I'm so sorry I shoulda come sooner, I shoulda rushed in, I god, I'll take off their heads for you baby, I'm so sorry."

Faith [userpic]


January 3rd, 2004 (01:19 pm)

She's gone.

Cor fucking skipped out in the middle of the night. I knew where she'd gone but I didn't want to believe she was that crazy. I ran down stairs, screaming her name when I first woke up.

She'd been no where, I even checked the goddamn mall.

I ran home. And told Giles I was loading up on weapons and heading to her house, he stopped me. We got into a screaming match and he finally convinced me that over three vamps on their own grounds was suicide. If I was dead I'd be no use to Cor.

I went up to my room and slammed the door. I started pacing crying, screaming. Once I saved her I was going to fucking kill her. How could she leave me like that? Why?

I curled up on our bed and cried. This couldn't be happening. I wasn't suppose to be like this, I was suppose to be strong, uncaring, fiesty and I shouldn't have listened to Giles, but everything he said was right but my heart was screaming at me to go.

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